Beloved London 


The amazing charity Kicks Count has shared this image on Twitter this evening. This sums up exactly how I’m feeling this evening.

I don’t want L to be scared of big cities like London. I lived in London for most of my pregnancy; the first time I saw L on a scan was at Chelsea & Westminster hospital, a teeny flickering little heartbeat.

I’d already decided that L needs to be immersed in London life. It is the best place in the world. It isn’t the best place for me to raise my child, but my heart will always be in London. So at nearly 10 months old, L has already visited London four times. We’ve walked around Parliament Square, up Whitehall and into Soho. I’ve stopped in the street and attempted to show L the sights of Big Ben. I’ve struggled onto the tube at Westminster, managing to navigate the buggy and baggage (and baby!) safely onto the platform. And yes, we’ve walked along Westminster Bridge too.

We will do it all again, soon. I am spooked but my baby will not be scared of London. He will grow up loving London as much as I do.

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Single, Pregnant…oh, and a preemie.

It’s fair to say that my life has changed pretty dramatically over the last year. On 16 November 2016, I discovered that I was pregnant. A week later the baby’s father had blocked all contact with me and I faced the prospect of being pregnant and single. I was TERRIFIED. Surely no-one else had ever been in this situation?!

I was thrilled to discover Christine Coppa’s amazing book Rattled a few weeks later; Christine seemed to be my perfect soulmate, another career woman who had fallen pregnant while dating. She seemed pretty positive about the whole situation and had even gone on a ‘babymoon’ before her bundle of joy arrived. Except Christine had two older brothers who were clearly destined to be the perfect male role models. She had a large circle of friends who showered her with cute baby outfits throughout her pregnancy. My US geography isn’t great, but it seemed pretty simple for her to move back to her hometown and commute back to her old life. Happy days.

Rattled gave me a lot of hope that I could be single and pregnant. And I survived. But I didn’t meet anyone else in my situation. It was the darkest and longest period of my life, where I faced complete upheaval by moving back home away from all my friends in London. But of course, it wasn’t that long. Just as I was preparing to freak out put my feet up for maternity leave, my baby’s movements were reduced. Fast forward five terrifying days in hospital and my baby boy L was delivered by emergency c-section at 30+6. My little 2lb 10oz baby. I had to ride the NICU rollercoaster for six weeks before I could bring him home.

And here I am. Baby L is tucked up in bed asleep. And nearly a year after that pregnancy test, I’m still reeling. My life has changed beyond all comprehension. But I’ve survived! Somehow, it has all worked out. So I want to share my experience with others, if only to make sure that any other frightened ladies who type ‘single pregnant help me!‘ into Google aren’t faced with the same list of random articles (none of which seem relevant – except the excellent articles by Coppa, which do help) or an array of forum posts. The endless forum threads always promise the mum-to-be that things that things will get better – but the control freak in me wanted to know exactly how bad it could get! If you’re single, pregnant and end up with a premature baby, then you’re in for a real treat…(and message me, you mythical creature!)